Is it a coincidence that men will always find a woman most attractive when she in a relationship? Is it strange to think that we are most desirable when we are unattainable?
Take my friend Nols, for example. Men were practically lining up at her dorm room all of last semester. All finely cut pieces of meat, if I may add. However, she had been in a committed relationship with a senior up until graduation day when it was decided that this piece of meat had an expiration date.
Now, single and ready to mingle, Nols is ready to get back in line at the supermarket. Resting on the shelves before her are pounds of freshly chopped beef waiting to be sautéed. The only problem, none of them are smart enough to jump in the cart.
It is a rare sight when a fine looking lady puts her self out there in the most obvious way only to be shut down. I am also positive that none of these men realize how blatantly obvious she is being about it. And if I have to hear about how my housemate isn’t getting laid one more time I may actually travel to the supermarket myself, buy some milkshakes, and lay them out on our front yard.
Ghosts are more than true.
Not just the floaters that “boo.”
Ghosts can text you too.
Ghosting (V). – Defined as the act of texting someone from your past. Best time to ghost a person, never.
Additional note: This haiku rhymed on complete accident.
Note* This is a fictional magazine and a fictional piece of writing.
The Un-credible Columnist, Issue #1
By: A.E Flows
The Manhatter, a literary magazine popular among New Yorkers and famous for its je ne sais quoi, contacted me to see if I would be interested in writing a weekly column for the Personal Section of the paper.
I received the phone call late Thursday night after closing up shop at Oolong’s, the Japanese-style tea bar across from Bryant Park. You know, that temporary job you were suppose to snag after college for like five minutes before you traded it for an actual career? Six years later and that twenty-percent off employee discount card isn’t paying off those student loans.
On the contrary, I’ve spent more on overpriced and soaking wet tealeaves in the past year than on ‘regular people’ food in six.
Darling this city
Doesn’t do that kind of love
We do each other
~An Entire Bag of Potato Chips~
There is only a hand full of activities I would like more than to spend every moment of my twenty-four hour day writing… writing blog posts, snippets, poems, and even those little notes I like to scribble myself before bed.
However… when the writing task is mutilated into that of an essay or a case study, as I am hopelessly procrastinating from at this time, the intrinsic motivation has flown from my body and migrated south for the semester.
As I spend time writing this post, I ignore the fact that this paper is due on Tuesday… three days from this exact point in time, minus eight hours. I ignore the test I have scheduled for this Monday, you know, the one based on all those readings I neglected? I ignore the millions of letters, which make up the thousands of words I will have to skim – not read – that create hundreds of sentences inside tens of books I have barely dusted off from the bookstore.
What day is it? The nineteenth?! Has it really been three weeks?
~Early Summer Vibes~
I drank with my boss last weekend.
It was pretty cool. I work as a life guard now, doing absolutely nothing for 8 hours a day and getting paid minimum wage for it. The other day I spend a straight 3 hours playing cards games with my fellow guards. Later we watched movies and ordered Chinese food. I left with a solid $67.2 and not a single person drowned. Not a bad deal if you ask me.
Chris is the head life guard over at my pool. He’s a short guy with a big personality. Recently turning 24, he’s a bit older than my friends and I in age, but I think we’re at his level in other things…
Dani kinda likes Chris. I can see why, he’s not terribly good looking but it’s something with his persona, maybe the way he smiles or the way he manages a pool. I’m not sure what it is, but I can see it. So I got close with Chris at work, it wasn’t difficult. He’s so open and talkative. He’s probably my favorite person to spend 8 hours with at this place.
I’m not sure when I noticed it, maybe I’m just imagining it, but from my first day at work I thought there was something fishy about the way he treated me. Always making others do my work, complimenting me at every chance, and texting me outside of work. I wanted to get close with him for Dani, for my friend, not for myself. The worst part is that I’m actually loving the attention.
He noticeably became upset when I told him about Mark. Well, I didn’t tell him. It slipped out from others. He jumped right back up from it though, which I was happy about. But he hasn’t stopped treating me with extra attention. Maybe he hasn’t been flirting with me and that’s just how he talks to women? A lot of guys have flirty personalities. Or perhaps he’s not giving up despite my being in a relationship with another man for 3 1/2 years.
I invited him to come hang out with us last Friday night. I wanted him to get closer to Dani, whose also a life guard for the same company. It looked like it was working. We went to some fair by his house for an hour, got pizza, played pool and then he suggested he buy us alcohol. Now what kind of 20 year old would pass that up? One too many shots later I was buzzed and eventually gone. Our next stop was karaoke and I killed that mic with every fiber of my being. That dance floor is still oozing from my sweat. I knew my actions were completely unattractive and that was somewhat done on purpose. Mark was there too, and surprisingly got along with Chris very well. They’re Bro’s now, I guess you could say.
From the corner of my eye I could see Dani leaning on his shoulder, he’s drawing her in closer, smiling and laughing, probably at my terrible mic skills and dance moves. That’s beyond the point. I don’t know what happened, maybe nothing at all. But it was sweet to see them together. And I probably will, since he wants to hang out with us again.
I came into work the next day with a hangover and sun glasses to hide the shame. Chris was smirking at me as I walked in, and I knew what he was thinking. So I said it first. “Please, don’t fire me!”
We had a good laugh, then took out the playing cards and continued on our shifts. Our long, but not ever boring shifts.