Journal Entry #19

~Early Summer Vibes~

I drank with my boss last weekend.

It was pretty cool. I work as a life guard now, doing absolutely nothing for 8 hours a day and getting paid minimum wage for it. The other day I spend a straight 3 hours playing cards games with my fellow guards. Later we watched movies and ordered Chinese food. I left with a solid $67.2 and not a single person drowned. Not a bad deal if you ask me.

Chris is the head life guard over at my pool. He’s a short guy with a big personality. Recently turning 24, he’s a bit older than my friends and I in age, but I think we’re at his level in other things…

Dani kinda likes Chris. I can see why, he’s not terribly good looking but it’s something with his persona, maybe the way he smiles or the way he manages a pool. I’m not sure what it is, but I can see it. So I got close with Chris at work, it wasn’t difficult. He’s so open and talkative. He’s probably my favorite person to spend 8 hours with at this place.

I’m not sure when I noticed it, maybe I’m just imagining it, but from my first day at work I thought there was something fishy about the way he treated me. Always making others do my work, complimenting me at every chance, and texting me outside of work. I wanted to get close with him for Dani, for my friend, not for myself. The worst part is that I’m actually loving the attention.

He noticeably became upset when I told him about Mark. Well, I didn’t tell him. It slipped out from others. He jumped right back up from it though, which I was happy about. But he hasn’t stopped treating me with extra attention. Maybe he hasn’t been flirting with me and that’s just how he talks to women? A lot of guys have flirty personalities. Or perhaps he’s not giving up despite my being in a relationship with another man for 3 1/2 years.

I invited him to come hang out with us last Friday night. I wanted him to get closer to Dani, whose also a life guard for the same company. It looked like it was working. We went to some fair by his house for an hour, got pizza, played pool and then he suggested he buy us alcohol. Now what kind of 20 year old would pass that up? One too many shots later I was buzzed and eventually gone. Our next stop was karaoke and I killed that mic with every fiber of my being. That dance floor is still oozing from my sweat. I knew my actions were completely unattractive and that was somewhat done on purpose. Mark was there too, and surprisingly got along with Chris very well. They’re Bro’s now, I guess you could say.

From the corner of my eye I could see Dani leaning on his shoulder, he’s drawing her in closer, smiling and laughing, probably at my terrible mic skills and dance moves. That’s beyond the point. I don’t know what happened, maybe nothing at all. But it was sweet to see them together. And I probably will, since he wants to hang out with us again.

I came into work the next day with a hangover and sun glasses to hide the shame. Chris was smirking at me as I walked in, and I knew what he was thinking. So I said it first. “Please, don’t fire me!”

We had a good laugh, then took out the playing cards and continued on our shifts. Our long, but not ever boring shifts.


The Crosswalk

The city life is never, can never be discreet. Heavy metal polls with green glowing men signal for pedestrians to cross.

The crowd moves forward. Men and women in gray and black business suites step confidently into the street. Beside them are skinny teenagers with baggy clothing and large headphones to block out the city noise. They stare down at their feet, shoved aside by the occasional skater, kicking his back foot off the pavement to zoom past Cruella and her tiny, pocketbook-sized puppy. The skater skims her fur coat as he passes her by, causing Cruella to lose her footing and lurch heal first in a liquid filled pothole. The water is dark and muddled. Her fist is raised at the young man as she inspects her ruined louboutin, but he is already gone. Businessmen and women walk on by, not even a glance in her direction. The dog begins to bark assertively, until a young boy pushes passed the crowed to aid the distraught lady and her petite companion. He helps Cruella finish down the crosswalk with only 2 seconds left before the green man turns red. She is not grateful, but the boy is not fazed by her thanklessness, there is only kindness in his heart.

The green man is gone, he has moved across the street to let a heap of new pedestrians make their way down the crosswalk: another confident businessman, another quiet teen, another discourteous skater, another Cruella Deville, and another kindhearted civilian.

Snippet #6

I don’t have to put on the ceremonial gown till tonight, so I slip on my hunting boots and grab my spear.

It’s heavier than I remember.

I look down and see Dimitri tugging on the other end, a smile on his chubby little face.

“Are you keeping me here hostage, Mimi?” I put the spear back on the wall and pick up my little munchkin of a brother. I cradle him in my arms and press my forehead against his. Our noses touch and he giggles. I hope his eyes stay blue like my fathers, they suite him well with his light blond curls. “Still can’t talk, huh? That’s all right. You’re the best listener in this house.”

“Gah!” he waves his pint-sized hands around my face before finally knocking off my father’s deerstalker. It makes only the faintest noise.

I pick up the hat just as Opal walks in.

A small snippet, not trying to give much away. I know I said I would stop posting these for a while, but I have moved further along in my writing and felt it was safe enough to post a few more from chapter one. You all keep me so motivated, and I am more than appreciative.

Journal Entry #2

~The Inspiration that wasn’t meant to be~

I feel like college becomes more difficult at the most inconvenient times.

This morning I sparked an excellent idea. I had everything planned. I jot down a few notes, tucked them into my writing folder and waited until class was up. The problem was, and there is always a problem, by the time class was over my newly found inspiration had escaped me. I was tired after three hours of lecture, my brain had gone soft. Any hope of writing had vanished. My only true desire was to throw down my books and take a late afternoon nap.

“This will never work,” I thought to myself, face down breathing into my pillow. “Writing takes time… and you don’t have any.”

Time has has been one of my biggest struggles this semester. I’m two weeks in and have more chapters to read than chapters written. I am aware that I have mentioned this in earlier rants, however, todays loss of inspiration has me in a cranky mood. I’m always hoping that tomorrow will be better, and since tomorrow is Saturday I am betting that it will be.

On a side note, I just got back from Applebee’s where my friends and I devoured half priced apps. It was euphoria in a basket of hot boneless buffalo wings.

Excerpt from Nothing

David Gordon was 3 years older than me and lived in Central Park. I would see him on beautiful days when Mom decided to pull out her sketchpad and draw. David would always make fun of how neat my clothes were for a homeless girl.

“I’m not homeless!” I would shout, “I live in Grand Central Station.”

He’d show off his rotten teeth with the slyest of smiles, “That’s not home,” He snickered, “You’re a bum, just like me.”

I was nothing like David Gordon. I had a palace, a roof over my head with indoor pluming and food at every trashcan on every corner. “I have neat clothes because my mother has to keep up with our reputation back at the station,” I said proudly, “If you live in a palace, you should dress like it.”

“Yeah, and if you don’t they’ll notice you’re a just bum who isn’t waiting for a train.” He laughed, “You and I share the same life, except I don’t sugar coat it.”

Nothing i’m actually working on, just sparked an idea.