Snippet #6

I don’t have to put on the ceremonial gown till tonight, so I slip on my hunting boots and grab my spear.

It’s heavier than I remember.

I look down and see Dimitri tugging on the other end, a smile on his chubby little face.

“Are you keeping me here hostage, Mimi?” I put the spear back on the wall and pick up my little munchkin of a brother. I cradle him in my arms and press my forehead against his. Our noses touch and he giggles. I hope his eyes stay blue like my fathers, they suite him well with his light blond curls. “Still can’t talk, huh? That’s all right. You’re the best listener in this house.”

“Gah!” he waves his pint-sized hands around my face before finally knocking off my father’s deerstalker. It makes only the faintest noise.

I pick up the hat just as Opal walks in.


A small snippet, not trying to give much away. I know I said I would stop posting these for a while, but I have moved further along in my writing and felt it was safe enough to post a few more from chapter one. You all keep me so motivated, and I am more than appreciative.

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Snippet #5

“Gemma! Opal!” my mother cries out, “One of you come here and hold the chair for me, I’m going to slip!”

I walk out into the hallway to see a lazy eyed sister snoozing on the couch and a mother who appears to be practicing the balance beam on a three-legged stool. I hunch over to hold it in place.

My mother is a tall woman, close to six feet. She wears her auburn hair short and neat, like most women in our community. I watch her scavenge through old cardboard boxes on the top shelf of our closet. She groans as a loose hook in the doorframe catches a strand. Her hair is the most stunning shade of copper; it curls at the tips and right beneath the bangs. I wish she would grow out that silly bob cut. It never did her justice.

“Found it!” My mother lowers what appears to be a small, silver container. “Let’s see how well these gems survived.”

Inside the case are two square-cut emerald earrings with gold posts. The only piece of real jewelry we own, and the most beautiful things I’ve ever held. “You want me to go out in public with these?”

“Why not?” she huffs, “It’s your big day.”

There really is no good explanation why I shouldn’t wear them. It is graduation day. We may not be able to afford food, but why should anyone question how we’re able to afford jewelry? I pause to think. “People will talk.”

“So let them talk.”

Mom puts the first gem through my left ear before screwing on the back.

“I heard there’s going to be an assortment of desserts at the ceremony,” I shrug, “Is any of that for us?”

She turns my head and begins twisting in the second. “Probably not,” she scoffs, “Food is a vanity, why would they allow us the pleasure?”

I walk towards the mirror and peer into the fingerprint stained glass. My auburn hair is much longer than my mothers, but dull in comparison. It curls at awkward places and appears more of a light brown than a red. I stare at my fine features and wish they were stronger, a bit more defined. My father has a chiseled face with deep-set eyes and a full set of lips. I inherited none of that.

Today I was hoping to see a capable, sophisticated eighteen-year-old woman staring back, but even I realize that two small rocks aren’t going to make the difference.

“They’re nice.”

“They bring out the green in your eyes,” she smiles.


Fair warning, this is the last snippet I’m going to be posting for a while. While I absolutely love all the feed back I have been getting, I am now reaching a place where I don’t want to share anything before it’s set in stone. I may go back and change these snippets too, If I decide that I need to add or take away. Remember, everything that I post on here is a first draft and it’s mostly done for moral support and critique. I will be morphing Gemma’s story further in my head and on paper, adding detail and creating new characters. I can’t wait to introduce you guys to Opal, Mimi and Gage, But they will have to wait.

Once again, feedback appreciated. On a side note, thank you all for allowing me reach 500 followers!!! WOW. You guys are the best. Love you all!

Snippet #4

Twelve Years Later

We live in a small, four-sided stone home with a couch, three bedrooms, and a kitchen that’s never been touched. Food is not something commoners like us waste our time with, but as huntsmen we take pride in killing it. Our doll-sized castle, as dad calls it, is a cookie-cutter replica of every other stone-built home in Huntsman Square. Nevertheless, I shouldn’t be complaining. Our cottage is one of five with the addition of a third bedroom and a kitchen. This luxury is purely because of dad’s rank as an Alpha hunter, but they don’t pay us anymore than a Beta or a Gamma, so who cares?

I peak out the window of my bedroom to gaze at miles of clover-green flat land and a few dusty mountains in the distance. It could have been a beautiful picture, in another world.

Regardless of its isolation, I’m fond of our little corner of the compound. The South Gate is our backyard. It uncovers the woods where we hunt, and allows us the luxury of crisp, clean air. Still, I wonder if that’s such a good thing. It’s mind numbing to be away from it all.

I let out a sigh that fogs the glass. I mop the white circle with my elbow and fall back onto the bed, staring at the ceiling.

I only visited the inner city once, and that was a long time ago. It was filled with mammoth sized buildings and streets made of metal. There were highways that traveled over your head and shook the ground under your feet. It was much different from our little hunting village on the border, but this is where we must live. Those who are rich enough live in the center of Abdo, while the rest of us, the majority of us, live in the surrounding communities.

Eek!

I lose my train of thought.


I hope this snippet is as good as the others, because I received a surprising amount of positive feedback from the first three. Let me know if I’ve fallen short, or if I hit the nail on the head. Both negative and positive feedback appreciated!

Snippet #3

“Come on, Dad, charge up!”

“I can’t, we have to liquefy it.” He grabs his spear and our kill for the day, a few rabbits and a beaver, nothing special.

My father looks at me now, but not with the same glare of pride. “Playing with water, hmm?”

How did he know?

“Your eyelashes are sparkling.”

I look down; my cheeks are as red as the leaves. I wait for him to continue, but he doesn’t. I look to the sky for help, but the birds even seem to turn away. “Am… am I in trouble?”

He scratches his beard.

“You are a daring little six year old, taking after your old man.”

I take it as a compliment.

We sprint back to the border where we exchange our hunt for Charge. My father unfolds his sleeve for the syringe to penetrate his wrist. I watch the golden liquid course through his veins, it runs underneath the light hairs peaking out of his arm. “Beep.” He is granted eighteen percent, eighteen for a family of five. I open my mouth to scream at the guard, to make him pay us more. My father holds me back with a cautionary look, his blue eyes are stone cold.

I glare at the guard on the way through the doors, until he catches my eye. “Shoot,” I mutter as I wipe my lashes.

He saw the droplets.


This snippet marks the end of my prologue. Now we get into the real story. Again, let me know if you guys have any comments, questions or suggestions. I don’t live in fear of critique.

Snippet #2

I wipe my lip and pat my face dry. My hair is loose and damp. I try to cover it up by lifting my hood, but my shirt is wet and my zippers jammed.

“Gemma where are you?” I hear my father’s voice behind the bushes. He peers over and sees me sprinting. My hood is up and my shirt is covered. “I want to show you something.”

I relax. He doesn’t know. “What is it?”

He dusts a large, golden rock with sharp edges and turns to me for approval. “Do you know what this is?”

The rock is awfully bright. It shines like summer on a cold winters day. “It’s beautiful.”

He holds it up so I can see it better. “This is Charge in its natural state.” My father seems proud. He looks around to make sure no one is watching.

I huddle closer to him to block the glare. “It doesn’t look like Charge.”

“This is Nolanite, the element Charge is made from.” He points to my wrist where a measly seven percent glows yellow. “They liquefy it before injecting it into our bodies. This is our life supply, without Charge we can’t survive.”

I check my wrist and watch as the number seven drops to six. I swallow hard. “I could use some Charge right now.”

My father checks his own wrist. He has only four percent left; if it drops to zero we’re done.

We have to get out of here.


Hello again! This is of course a follow up to my Snippet #1. To clarify, “Charge” is everything these self-evolved humans need to survive. Food and water have become obsolete. I really don’t want to give much away other than state the obvious, so therefore I’ll leave the rest for you to ponder. I’d be happy to answer any questions and feed back is appreciated!

Snippet #1

The river is so blue; I wonder how it became so blue. I bend my knees and cup my hands to snatch a sample. The water becomes clear in my palms, I love when it does that. I love when it slides through my fingers like droplets of silk avoiding my touch. The other first graders don’t know what water feels like, but I do. Our teachers tell us to stay away, to save it for the animals that need it. I want to bury my face in it. The wind picks up and the leaves on the trees fall into the stream. We don’t consume water. Water is not needed for our survival; what would it do? Where would it go? It draws me in. I lift my tiny palms to smell it, but it’s odorless. I don’t know what it wants from me. We feel connected.

I lift my palm above my head and release the clear liquid. It drips down the side of my face, outlining my chin. A droplet of water reaches my upper lip.

I breathe in. I want to taste it. I part my lips and bend my tongue upwards.

“Gem-stone!”

I blink the water out of my eyes. “Coming!”


The first snippet, just as I promised. To make things less confusing I thought I’d mention that water is prohibited to the Nekro Sapiens – Humans who have self-evolved past the need for drinking water.

I know it doesn’t give much away, but that was intentional. Feed back appreciated!