Journal Entry #20

I came home at 1:30 a.m tonight. My mother called me in a frantic rage 5 minutes before I pulled up to the house. There was no warning call or set time she had asked me to come home. 

She was standing in front of the steps in her night gown, waiting to bash me and my friends as I exited the car. She threatened to throw out all my clothes and smash my guitars. She told my friends they aren’t welcome in our house anymore and told me to “shut the fuck up” right in front of them. They sat wide-eyed, stunned at her boldness and irrationality.

She told me that she scheduled an appointment with the doctor to discuss my Attention Deficit because it’s apparently getting worse. I looked at her in disbelief, horrified at her absurd and extremely hurtful accusations. I told her that I’m 20 years old, I’m a good person, it’s summer vacation, I’m not going to stop coming home at this hour. 1:30 is not unreasonable. She continued to threatened me, scream at me, eventually waking up the neighbors.

I have tried to talk to her about this before, she doesn’t understand nor does she want to. I need an escape, but I have none. I need to get out. What’s the best I can do? I’m currently on Amazon, searching for a new door lock with a single key I can install immediately. It’s a start. 

This is some bullshit I’m not prepared to swallow. 

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9 thoughts on “Journal Entry #20

  1. Wow, that’s very harsh. I was actually very sheltered in high school due to my disability. When I entered college, my parents knew that since I was an adult they couldn’t do that anymore and I was able to come and go as I wanted. Also, they wanted me to have fun and be as normal as I could.

    That being said, being the geek that I am, I would always let someone know where I was going and with whom. Even if the plans changed and we ended up somewhere else I always called or left a message or text.

    Maybe you and your mom can work out a system. But really, it’s not very healthy for her to do that at all. What will she do when you graduate and move on?

    Liked by 2 people

  2. I also struggled with this when I came home from school in the summer. My parents have a “My home, my rules” policy that just didn’t jive with post university me. I had been so accustomed to doing what I wanted, when I wanted. To be given that freedom and then to have it yanked away is super difficult. However, in my experience the rules, the threats and the curfews were all in place out of love. She just wanted to know that I was safe and looked after. She is my mum and she feels that she must do everything in her power to keep me protected. I imagine your mum is coming from a similar place. I found that regular updates (no matter how trivial) helped a lot. “Hey mum, I’ll be home after midnight tonight. I’m with steph. Call if you need me.” that text can go a long way to putting her mind at ease. One day you’ll be out on your own and you’ll miss the structure that comes from living under your parents roof, probably not too often though. 😉 Good luck!

    Liked by 4 people

  3. I haven’t seen any posts on this before but how is your relationship with your parents in general? Is it something you can talk through? There must be a reason that she reacts the way she does. In the end as long as you live with your parents you have to follow their rules. Maybe if you could figure out a compromise.

    Liked by 1 person

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