Journal Entry #4

~High School Drama, Another Re-Run~

I use to feed of drama.

This sleazy activity was a primary source of entertainment for a high school girl with a small group of friends. There was never much excitement to look forward to where I went, and so I desperately craved the negative attention drama brought into my life.

I have since grown out such senseless teenage amusement. I no longer find pleasure out of negative attention directed towards myself or others. Especially towards those who are close to me, people I consider my friends.

However, it appears that although I am passed such an immature state of development, others in my life are not.

Causing drama for no particular reason is something I never even did when I considered it a way of life. There must always be a reason for one to narrow their eyes when you walk by, to sub-tweet about you and then tell you there is nothing wrong.

I know there is something wrong. I want to fix it. Why don’t you let me fix it? You would rather cause tension? You would rather belittle my efforts to end the tension?

When I apologize for whatever silly thing I must have done this time, it is ignored. It is as if our friendship is a game. You like sticking your nose up around me, it makes you feel powerful, you give yourself a secret to laugh about.

You don’t want an apology. You want drama. You want me to sit and wait for you to finish shunning me until you become bored of the situation.

I’m your friend again. We make jokes and laugh about them, we hug and make conversation. Everything is perfect. Until it becomes a dull kind of perfect and you must exile me until I am once again deemed worthy.

If there is something that I am missing, then I am wrong. But I never knew this problem with other friends, with real friends. This is not the type of relationship I signed up for. You look down on me, you think you are always right.

I want the cycle broken. I’m done. Don’t bother letting me back in, because i’ve already clocked out.

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2 thoughts on “Journal Entry #4

  1. wow Check this i am not so sure the drama phenomenon you were describing is isolated to high school. what you described fit what I just came through to a tee. except for the stage. I guess all drama must have it’s stage.. Yours was in school and mine at work. I guess I am just way naive. I don’t understand so I don’t play the game. I’ve never gone through this one at any job I’ve ever had.I felt it big time .they fired me and I still didn’t understand. The info you shared has added another piece to the puzzle I don’t know if I will ever get the whole story.. Or if I really need to know .

    I must admit I felt the hurt. I guess I have a few feeling left Life hasn’t totally hardened my heart In time I will be able to lay it to rest. I will not carry around that heavy baggage . Nothing quenches the spirit like resentment and hate. It looks pretty dam good on paper. I just need to translate it to my life. Free again.nick

    Liked by 3 people

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