~High School Drama, Another Re-Run~
I use to feed of drama.
This sleazy activity was a primary source of entertainment for a high school girl with a small group of friends. There was never much excitement to look forward to where I went, and so I desperately craved the negative attention drama brought into my life.
I have since grown out such senseless teenage amusement. I no longer find pleasure out of negative attention directed towards myself or others. Especially towards those who are close to me, people I consider my friends.
However, it appears that although I am passed such an immature state of development, others in my life are not.
Causing drama for no particular reason is something I never even did when I considered it a way of life. There must always be a reason for one to narrow their eyes when you walk by, to sub-tweet about you and then tell you there is nothing wrong.
I know there is something wrong. I want to fix it. Why don’t you let me fix it? You would rather cause tension? You would rather belittle my efforts to end the tension?
When I apologize for whatever silly thing I must have done this time, it is ignored. It is as if our friendship is a game. You like sticking your nose up around me, it makes you feel powerful, you give yourself a secret to laugh about.
You don’t want an apology. You want drama. You want me to sit and wait for you to finish shunning me until you become bored of the situation.
I’m your friend again. We make jokes and laugh about them, we hug and make conversation. Everything is perfect. Until it becomes a dull kind of perfect and you must exile me until I am once again deemed worthy.
If there is something that I am missing, then I am wrong. But I never knew this problem with other friends, with real friends. This is not the type of relationship I signed up for. You look down on me, you think you are always right.
I want the cycle broken. I’m done. Don’t bother letting me back in, because i’ve already clocked out.