~I’m Fine. I Will Be~
I don’t feel unloved, or unwanted. I don’t feel like there is anything wrong with me. I don’t believe I’m missing out on something amazing and I don’t think fitting in is the most important thing in the world.
Last week was “rush week.” I showed up all three nights, put on my biggest smile and dressed in the sharpest outfits. I was confident, poised and conversational. There was no reason to shut me out, but that’s exactly what happened. I didn’t get a bid, not for the sorority that I wanted and not for any of the ones that I didn’t.
“Who cares?” I thought to myself. I’m more of a hipster than a bitch anyway. I’m a writer, an artist. I never thought of myself as a preppy sorority girl.
The thing is, I did care. I cared a lot. It was an ego thing, and I did feel unloved and unwanted. “Am I really that unlikable?”
I always knew I was a little different. I say what I think and I do what I want. I don’t like Kim Kardashian and I laugh like a hyena. I would rather sit home and write my book than pay $350 a semester for fake friends.
That may have had something to do with it all, I suppose. Sorority girls want others who look, dress, act like them. Looking back, I don’t even know why I wanted it. Because I wanted to get off my lazy butt and do something with my life, because I thought this was the way to do it.
I’m ok now. I believe in myself, and I love myself. I love my friends and my family. They love me too, I think.
I just feel sorry that they missed out on having such a valuable alumni. Because when I become a famous author/actress, I’m going to acknowledge this moment as a happy one, even if I’m not actually happy just yet.