Snippet #1

The river is so blue; I wonder how it became so blue. I bend my knees and cup my hands to snatch a sample. The water becomes clear in my palms, I love when it does that. I love when it slides through my fingers like droplets of silk avoiding my touch. The other first graders don’t know what water feels like, but I do. Our teachers tell us to stay away, to save it for the animals that need it. I want to bury my face in it. The wind picks up and the leaves on the trees fall into the stream. We don’t consume water. Water is not needed for our survival; what would it do? Where would it go? It draws me in. I lift my tiny palms to smell it, but it’s odorless. I don’t know what it wants from me. We feel connected.

I lift my palm above my head and release the clear liquid. It drips down the side of my face, outlining my chin. A droplet of water reaches my upper lip.

I breathe in. I want to taste it. I part my lips and bend my tongue upwards.

“Gem-stone!”

I blink the water out of my eyes. “Coming!”


The first snippet, just as I promised. To make things less confusing I thought I’d mention that water is prohibited to the Nekro Sapiens – Humans who have self-evolved past the need for drinking water.

I know it doesn’t give much away, but that was intentional. Feed back appreciated!

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11 thoughts on “Snippet #1

  1. R. Floyd says:

    An interesting idea, Angela. And it’s first person POV in present tense. My favorite. You could actually leave a bit more information out, and it would create more curiosity in the reader. For example, that line … Water is not needed for our survival; what would it do? Where would it go? …. If you cut “water is not needed for our survival” and leave those questions….it causes me to want to read further into the story to try to figure out what is happening.

    Nicely done. Once you get the slight nuances for a first grader’s voice into the style, this is going to be excellent!

    Liked by 1 person

    • I may have forgotten to mention that she’s not going to be in first grade for too long. The book is set twelve years ahead of this moment, mostly because I realized that much of what I wanted Gemma to experience requires her to be much older. And thank you so much for your feed back! I really appreciate the comments you guys give. It helps me a lot.

      Like

      • R. Floyd says:

        Okay, yeah, I had the same issue with my protag. She was 13, but I aged her to 14. Then my critique partner urged me to make her 15. 🙂 Is the genre YA or NA? My CP’s protag is 18 yrs old and out of HS, so we talked about it and I think she’s changing from YA to NA.

        Like

      • I’m going to say NA. She’s somewhere in between right now because she’s just about to reach a major turning point in her life, but after that I would consider her more of a new adult rather than a young adult.

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